Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
