Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
