My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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