I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
