When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
