lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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