For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
