There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
