worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
