Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
