its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He passed out mid-signature
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
