Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
