He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
