what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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