you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
