Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
