Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
