i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
