My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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