so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
