I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
