can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
