The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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