yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
