The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
