soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
