I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
