Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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