I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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