Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I still have a little drunk in my system
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
