I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
