it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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