I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
