I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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