I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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