Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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