Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
