Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
