I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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