I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
