Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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