If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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