I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
