Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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