i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
