my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Terrible idea I love it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
