New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
