it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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