he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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