Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
