He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
wow bdsm is so cute
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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