You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
